Little Notti Boy

December 2005, my soul was awaken when I was confronted with a question; "who am I?".  And since then, I've been asking myself; "who am I?" and "why am I here for?".  The broken soul would say; "I'm here to screw as much as I can and after that I die.".  The holy man would say; "I'm here to worship God and after that I live forever."

 

Are we truly satisfied with these answers, and those in between?  I'm not.  I've bounced between those two walls.  Yet my soul have found no answers.... till now.  What is the significance of my life?

 

I am writing today because I have found an answer that satisfy my soul;

 

Yes, I believe we are here to write this story - our story.  We are the hand and fingers that hold this pen.  We are the author.  God gave us this right to write our story the way we will.  But for those who worship and submit to the master author and the creator of this canvas and storyboard, they would write a different story.  They know that God provides the ink.  After that, we die.  And after that, we live forever with God in the land of Eternity.  The story is ours, the canvas and every completed work of art is God's pride and His to boast.

 

What story should we be writing?  In what style should we be writing?  How many chapters should this story hold?  I know, that the ink that God provides is intended for a story that touches as many lives as possible.  A man's life and life's worthiness is measured when this ink stops flowing for him, having done its due.

 

A man's life worthiness and significance, how should it be measured?  How many millions of dollars he has gathered for himself?  I doubt so.  How many lifes his story has touched and will continue to touch?  Sounds very much so.  The power and opportunity to touch lifes is a gift given to everyone that has been born and all who has breathed.  This is the one thing no living soul has been deprived of - A canvas & a pen. 

 

This is worth more than many a million.  How can I write a better story?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My first caricature!!!  Hmmm... I just made myself quite satisfied...

 

 Enjoying myself more now with line drawings... I came back home and nobody was around.  I quickly indulge myself and bury my focus into drawing a picture of myself.  Could not find anything better, so I just whipped out a picture of myself.

 

Anyway, its been a difficult day today.  Am I depressed?  I think so.  How the hell do I help myself to get out of this?  Damn!  Perhaps I should just sit down quietly, do some slow and deep breathing, think about some thoughts and perhaps bring them a little closer to God.

If the flesh has gotten used to being cut, after a while, I think I won't even know it when it is cut.

 

This is a scary state to be in!

 

 

 

- Samuel Koh

 

 

There has been a few people asking me about the fate of the hairless lion. I do not know if I should just leave it as it is.  Having the ability to complete it is no mystery to me.  I suppose I'll wait.  But each time I look at it, it seems like the lion is telling me that I still owe him a grooming session.

 

Last night my 12 year old daughter asked me to read a short story she wrote.  As I read it, I had a wierd smilling hanging on my face from time to time.  The truth is - I felt very humbled.  I could not have written the way she did.  Well, I have asked for her permission to publish it here... watch this space... I'll put it up soon.

 

But this is the excitement I feel when I think about this new generation, their potential and how the world will be shaped by their energy, creativity and disregard for convention.  Some parents are killing themselves trying to mould them into their own.

 

I took over the wheel of someone's car today.  As I was going over the junction, a car on my right dashed towards me beating the red light.  For a flashing moment, I thought Jesus just confirmed a lunch appointment with me.

 

For some reasons, he managed to stop just in time.  As I went across the junction, my blood was boiling and I wanted to come down and send that indian (he was on the phone) to the hospital.  History had it that he drove off... and so I dropped the idea.

 

Of course I had the right-of-way.  Gee... what do I learn here man... a person could be right and still end up on the wrong side of the fence!

I was quite emotionless.  I do not know why.  In the past, my car even spined on the road and like today, I was almost hit by an on-coming car.  After I got my car back on track, I just drove off like nothing happened... emotionless.  Another time, I lost control around a turn and almost drove into a river.  Likewise, I just drove off emotionlessly as I managed to regain control of the car, as if the close-to-death incident did not happen.

 

As I'm writing this blog, I just begin to recollect some memories.  When I was a boy scout, there was an incident.  After an event, our skipper drove us on his small pick-up.  Perhaps we were all very little.  So he took about 20 of us on board.  I was sitting in the front just next to the window.  While going down a road, he lost control.  The car actually swirled and went on the curb to the other side of the road, over-turning a few times.  Those behind did a superman of course.  But on the curb, because of the gyrating force, my head was swung outside the window and I just missed a tree.  It was so close I could have been beheaded.  Miraculously, even on a major road where cars do travel at high speed and with the vehicle over-turning a few rounds, no one died.  No one was crushed.  I could not understand.  But I was thankful.  For a few weeks, I dared not take a double decker sitting at the top.

 

A couple of days ago, I wanted to post some thoughts about life.  I suppose it is more fitting now.  I used to wonder how could a person do it when an elderly lady shared something with me recently.  She said that although she is well to do, but is is prepared to loose her luxury.  She does not tie her happiness to her material belongings.  So I have been thinking since...

 

How can a person have happiness in life?  I think  there are 2 things;

 

(1) Work your ass out with whatever life you are granted under the sun.  Then have a life.  Take time to enjoy the fruits of your labour.  BUT BE PREPARED ANYTIME TO GIVE THEM UP, EVEN IF YOU LOSE THEM ALL.  Have faith that God can raise you up again, anytime.

 

(2) Write your will, keep your affairs as tidy as the way it was when your mom squeezed you into the picture.  Its like returning the library book in the original condition.  THEN, BE PREPARD TO DIE ANYDAY.

I believe if a man can do these 2 things, he would then live a life.  He would then be able to sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching, love like he's never been hurt before, and live like everyday is the last day.

Easier said than done... but I want to get there.

But such is life.  Plan all you want.  Speak as loud as you want.  Be as proud as you think you are.  You wanna do this and you wanna do that.  You wanna prove this and that.  Fact is, we are all a few days away from being ashes - anytime!